Aly J. (simply_aly) wrote,
Aly J.
simply_aly

Fic: This Is More Than Love

Title:  This Is More Than Love
Authorsimply_aly
Fandom:  Gossip Girl
Pairing/Characters:  Dan/Blair, Chuck/Blair, mentions of Dan/Serena
Rating:  PG-13
Word Count:  1240
Warnings:  Adultery
Summary:  With all their issues buried rather than truly resolved at the time of Chuck and Blair's wedding, it's no surprise that everything unravels quickly.
A/N:  For a prompt by girlofgold on the Goodbye Gossip Girl Comment Ficathon. Originally posted HERE.

The honeymoon is cut short when Chuck disappears and Blair isn’t surprised. It’s too much too soon and she really should have known better. She stays at the resort by herself for the full duration of their vacation, her phone constantly next to her, waiting for a call that never comes.

She arrives back home to find their place covered in rose petals and she smiles. I’m sorry, the note on her pillow reads, a new diamond bracelet in a Tiffany’s box on her nightstand. She forgives him because that is what she is supposed to do.

Blair greets him with a smile and a kiss when he attempts to explain. “It’s alright,” she whispers against his lips. “I understand.”

She doesn’t, though, not really. She knows he loves her, he always has; but for some reason, there seem to be moments when he realizes just how much he loves her and he bolts. Blair doesn’t even ask where he’s been or what he’s been doing. She tells herself it doesn’t matter, but when he never asks her why she doesn’t ask, she realizes she doesn’t want a lie and she doesn’t want the truth.

-x-

In the next eight months, he disappears three more times. On the third time, she calls Dan. She had been trying to reach Serena, but Dan answers and relays the message that Serena was called to Paris for a modeling gig Jenny had asked her to do.

Blair doesn’t ask why no one told her any of this. “Can I come over?” she asks.

Dan hesitates for just a moment before answering, “Yeah, sure.”

Blair grabs a movie off her shelf she thinks he’ll like and stops to grab a bottle of wine she knows she’ll like before making her way over to Dan’s place. About halfway through the movie the wine is gone. At this point, they’re both drunk enough for her to think it’s a good idea to tell Dan about Chuck’s constant wrong response to the fight or flight instinct.

“At this point,” he says, with the movie on pause, “it’s called a pattern of behavior.”

“He always comes back to me,” she says, knowing even as she says the words how pathetic they sound. “He loves me.”

Dan opens his mouth to speak before he glances at a photo of him and Serena. He pauses as if reflecting on something before he sighs. “Yeah, I know,” he finally answers.

-x-

A month later, Blair is lying in her bedroom with Chuck. It’s mid-morning and the sun is shining through their window. It’s Sunday, and the two of them made it a point to turn off their phones and not think about work or anything but each other on Sundays.

Blair bites her lip and her right hand starts fidgeting with her wedding ring. “Where do you go?” she finally gets the courage to ask. “When you leave me, where do you go?”

Chuck’s expression, once smiling languidly at her, goes deliberately blank. Blair tries desperately to read his expressions, knowing even as she asked that he would not answer, but she’s beginning to realize that there are things about Chuck Bass that she may never understand.

“Forget it,” she says, leaning over him to give him a quick kiss. “Dorota should be about finished with breakfast.”

She is almost done with her breakfast when Chuck finally comes out of their bedroom. “There’s an emergency at work,” he tells her. "I’m sorry.”

He kisses her on the lips once before making a hasty exit.

She doesn’t even think to protest.

-x-

This time Blair shows up at Dan’s with a movie and two bottles of wine. She knew Serena was back in Paris, consulting on the photo shoot with Jenny and helping her with some ‘boy problems’ as Serena worded it when she had told her three days before when they met for lunch.

Dan welcomes her in with a nod and a look of comprehension. After the movie, both bottles of wine have been consumed evenly between them. Dan goes to the kitchen to get her a glass of water and she looks around. Aside from the picture of him and Serena on the bookshelf, there is virtually no indication that he and her best friend are in a relationship. She can’t help but note that on the shelf just below the picture of him and Serena is Inside.

He hands her the glass of water and she smiles drunkenly, mumbling a thank you. “This isn’t how I used to picture us,” she announces suddenly after taking a few sips.

Dan looks at her carefully through half-closed eyes. “What do you mean?” he asks her.

Blair contemplates that. There was a time when she had never pictured them. There was also a time where she always pictured herself with him. And then there was Chuck and Serena and she pictured herself and Chuck with Dan and Serena years later, happy. But they’re not really happy; at least…she’s not.

“Are you happy?” she asks instead.

Dan’s eyes seem to darken in this way she faintly remembers and just before he moves to kiss her, she decides she’ll let him. After all, she figures that’s his answer.

-x-

A couple hours later, she slides her panties back on by the light of the moon shining through the curtains. She fixes her hair in the bathroom and searches for pain relievers for her inevitable hangover in the medicine cabinet where she notices her best friend’s favorite perfume in the corner. She grabs her purse and leaves quietly, making sure not to disturb the man sleeping in tangled sheets in the bed where her best friend often sleeps.

Chuck is waiting for her when she arrives home. She manages a smile and a kiss when she finds him awake in their bed. Work, she is tempted to tell him, but she stays silent as she heads for the bathroom to take a hot shower.

For once, it is his turn to be in the dark.

-x-

A month and a half later, Blair and Chuck invite Dan and Serena over. Dorota cooks them a wonderful dinner over which Blair holds Chuck’s hand and announces her pregnancy.

Chuck—who had found out a week and a half ago and came to terms with it, a bouquet of roses in hand two days later—is all smiles and his hand never leaves hers. Serena is talking animatedly with her about names and things she is going to do with the baby she has already decided she will be the godmother to. Blair is smiling at Chuck and Serena as she explains that they do not know the sex of the baby yet, but that they will tell everyone as soon as they know.

Blair glances at Dan, having noticed his silence following the announcement. What passes between them requires no words. Blair shakes her head just slightly, a lie she has to tell. She then watches as he closes his eyes and sighs. She has no idea if he’s relieved or not, and she’s sure she never will.

He speaks then, telling her and Chuck what he’ll contribute to their child, and Blair wonders if he means it, wonders if he knows.

Blair hides her worry, as she’s always done, and silently prays her child looks mostly like it’s mother so people won’t notice how little it looks like it’s father.
Tags: art: fanfiction, character: blair waldorf, character: chuck bass, character: dan humphrey, pairing: chuck/blair, pairing: dan/blair, tv show: gossip girl
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